Bill Shorten, the leader of the Australian Labor Party, has conceded defeat.
Meanwhile, the people who get the train to work, who believe in equal education, who prefer going to the doctors without having to sell an organ, or aren’t homophobic, are crying.
But we know what you filthy fiends really care about.
“What about weed, Maree?” you yell as dreams dance before your eyes of walking around train stations with a fat bag of weed in your hand and no-one being able to say shit.
Next to the economy, refugees and making poor people’s lives kind of tough, there’s not a lot of room for legalising weed on the Coalition’s agenda.
So, we’ve had a look at some of the Independents that were elected in the hope they might push the weed agenda forward.
Nick Xenophon
South ‘Strayan Nick is trying to make us go to rehab (and we say no, no, no, except of course in certain circumstances). He aims to treat drug use as a health issue, rather than a criminal issue, and work to break down the drug business model.
Not sure how Nick is going to take on the first rule of economics – that where there is a demand there is a supply that is better organised than the Australian government – but good on him.
He also says we should focus on better access to rehab clinics and a clear transition from rehab into skills and job training. What about druggies who already have careers, Nick?
To be fair, we’re not sure if Nick is using the term “drugs” to talk about cannabis or methamphetamine, so we can’t give him too hard a time.
READ MORE: Why ice rooms are an absolutely necessity
Andrew Wilkie
The Independent member for Denison in Tassie supports medicinal cannabis as long as it’s trialled and “appropriately regulated”.
Yeah, he means you, the shifty stoner in the corner trying to think of ways to convince your doctor you’ve got really bad hip pain. Only 80-year-olds and Wil Anderson will be getting prescriptions under Wilkie’s watch.
Wil Anderson – who smokes daily to handle chronic osteoarthritis pain – and Gary Gulman on Getting Doug With High
Pauline Hanson – One Nation
READ MORE: Pauline Hanson ctrl-c’s cannabis policy from Wikipedia
Pauline and our mates over at One Nation may not have much in common with the average young person (or anyone other than a racist old Queenslander), but are on-side with medicinal cannabis.
“Australians are suffering pain and dying because of inept governments failing to allow law-abiding citizens the right to medicine,” One Nation says on its website.
“Due to Australia’s draconian laws around the use of medicinal cannabis, many are going overseas to access the medicine.”
And Pauline doesn’t like it. That’s a yes to medicinal cannabis and a no to going overseas, kids.
Jacqui Lambie
Jacqui may share Pauline’s suspicion of halal snack packs, but she’s not one to even mention weed. With a son who is allegedly an “ice addict” (her son begs to differ, but it’s not about him), it’s understandable that the topic may be a little too close to home for her to address.
Bob Katter, Clive Palmer & Cathy McGowan
No comment from Queensland’s Mad Katter and Victoria’s Cathy McGowan, but they’re both big on agriculture so who knows what the future holds?
And Clive Palmer can’t be too uptight. The man who originally registered the Palmer United Party got done for steroids and criminal activity in 2011.
Come on, Clive.
Clive after one too many billies c News Corp
