Halloween parties can get fucked. I mean, seriously, why would you go out and stand in a cramped room with a bunch of strangers, clad in the world’s least comfortable costume, when you can just stay at home, get blazed and watch some of the finest stoner Halloween flicks around?
To that end, here are some recommendations for your Halloween viewing. Best to keep in mind going into this thing that some of the following recommendations are terrible – I mean, abjectly terrible – but shocking in a way that perfectly suits a weed-addled sensibility. Enjoy!
Hansel And Gretel Get Baked
Hansel And Gretel Get Baked is a perfect example of the kind of “does what it says on the tin” simplicity that is custom-made for stoners. I mean, let’s face it, there are very few people out there that would be able to tolerate this kind of asinine madness sober and for that reason the flick actively encourages the imbibing of illicit substances.
The plot… Well, what’s the point of talking about the plot, really? The filmmakers obviously gave it only the barest consideration, given the film pivots more on random occurrence than any scenes that anyone visibly put any effort into. The whole thing is just an excuse for scantily clad women and a brain-dead dude to get high, dodge some barely effective jump scares and run wildly about the place. God, it sucks, but in a way that is just so damn watchable.
Brain Damage is one of those anti-drug films that is best enjoyed while exceedingly fucked up on drugs. The story is a thinly veiled metaphor about heroin, focusing on a young man who encounters an intergalactic, surprisingly charming, brain-eating worm that happens to have a penchant for sing-alongs. The film is fucking brilliant, full of that trademark of cult horror flicks, random blue glue, and strange, semi-serious lectures about the nature of addiction.
Another “so bad it’s good” tale that does exactly what the title implies, Ghost Shark is all about a shark that – you guessed it – turns into a ghost after being tortured and killed by a bunch of rednecks. Here’s the tricky thing about ghost shark though: he doesn’t just swim in the ocean. Ol’ mate can appear wherever there is water, meaning that you could be going for a nice old swig of H20 out of your water bottle only to get a gulp of ghost shark instead. Terrifying, eh? If by terrifying you mean “ridiculously stupid yet strangely hypnotic”, I guess it’s terrifying.
Good lord, this one’s a shocker. The entire Leprechaun film series was designed to capitalise on the success of Child’s Play, substituting Ireland’s own miniature menace for the killer doll. The first film is pretty bad, notable mostly for featuring a very fresh-faced Jennifer Aniston in one of her debut film roles, but it’s Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood that really takes the cake for enjoyable awfulness. A ridiculous romp through urban cliches, the film is unashamed in its desire to appear “cool” and “ghetto”, featuring as it does some terrible acting, even worse racial stereotyping and a shockingly awful soundtrack. But despite all its flaws, it is perhaps one of the most entertaining bad accidents about, a car-wreck that reaches great heights of the horrific.
Here’s all you need to know about Dead 7, a western zombie drama produced by the notoriously awful film studio The Asylum: it was written by Nick Carter. Yes, that Nick Carter. As in, the Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. Some doughy idiots from ‘N Sync also feature in the film, if that’s your bag, but who cares about them? This is a flick in which real life Backstreet Boys shoot zombies in the head. It is as terrible as it sounds, and best enjoyed while fucked up, but I’ll be damned if you won’t find yourself sucked in.
This is it: the big one. Troll 2 is maybe the worst film ever made, a polemic aimed at convincing everyday Americans to give up on vegetarianism (no, seriously) that features some of the worst acting and script work of all time. I mean, there’s no fighting the horrendous pull of this one – no point denying its insidious and awful urges. It is dumb, and the plot is paper thin, and there is a moment in which one of the characters exclaims “Oh my god!” in a way that no human has ever before exclaimed that phrase. But it’s also memorable, and unlike anything else you’ve ever seen. Hot tip: get blazed, put this one on, and you will never be the same.
